


No saving me

by hazkisslou



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Diary/Journal, Homophobia, M/M, more tags will be added eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-10-12
Updated: 2013-10-12
Packaged: 2017-12-29 04:26:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 809
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1000873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazkisslou/pseuds/hazkisslou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry has been through a hell of a lot. he's moved to a completely new place and isn't quite sure what to expect.</p><p> </p><p>written entirely in harry's POV since it's his journal and all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	No saving me

Saturday 16th July, 2011  
Dear whoever reads this?

My name is Harry Styles, I’m seventeen years old and I moved here – to Doncaster – from Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. I didn’t want to move, I begged and tried to even bribe my mum to let me stay with Axel in London, she of course only said _‘don’t be silly Harry, you’re coming to Doncaster and that’s that’_ and she really wasn’t kidding. Every time I went to ask her after that she would just put her hand up to silence me before I even got the chance to talk.

And that’s how I ended up here, in my new room writing in my journal. I know it’s girly to write in a diary or whatever, but to me it’s a way to get out all of my problems. You see, I’m not your average teenager whose only problem is not knowing how to do their homework. I was physically and sexually abused as a child, by my so called father. But I don’t like to talk about it, we moved to Doncaster not because my mum got a job transfer or anything, but because the kids at my school found out and started giving me shit. Tormenting and saying crude things, like how they bet I begged for him to do it since I’m such a cocksucker and all. 

That’s right, I’m gay. Which added fuel to the fire; I tried my hardest to pretend that their words didn’t bother me or have any effect on me at all, really. But somehow they knew, they knew that they were slowly making me crumble and would just take a little bit more to make me break completely. They managed to do that, they broke me but not in the way they hoped, I bet. 

I chipped a guy’s tooth, broke another ones nose and gave someone a black eye. I completely blanked when this happened; I wasn’t able to recall the events when I was asked to make a statement. Everyone said I was lying to try and get out of it, I wasn’t though. I only know what I did because I saw the aftermath. I got suspended for 6 days; I played fifa the whole time.

I went back and received the same treatment I did the last, obviously my outburst didn’t affect them in the least. I was half expecting them to be scared, but who would be really? I ended up outright refusing to attend classes, spending my time locked away in the toilets. I was pushed and shoved, bashed by the school homophobes and called a disgrace by the bible bashers. I told my mum about it every day after school, she would always have the same look on her face every time. The look of pity. And then one day she decided that was it, it was time to get out. I should have been ecstatic, but I wasn’t.

Who would be? It might be a fresh start and all, but why would I want to go to a different school only to endure the same treatment as I did the last? It sounded stupid to me. So I made the decision that I would keep to myself, not give people a chance to get to know enough about me to figure out my past. That would work, right? well I hope so. I haven’t figured out a backup plan if it doesn’t, yet.

School starts the day after tomorrow, mum wants me to take tomorrow to have a look around town and get a proper feel of things and my new surroundings. I bet she just wants me to find people my own age and befriend them, unlikely. She already tried to get me to change my style so I looked more approachable, sorry mum but I am definitely not wearing a fucking orange sweater and red shorts. I’m sure I’d definitely get bashed for even wearing that. I know she’s only trying to help, but setting me up on a ‘playdate’ with the neighbours son isn’t really helping. What am I, five?

Apparently she’s invited them over for dinner as well; I bet he’s ten or something like that. I hate little kids, they always want to touch and usually by touching they mean breaking, not like I liked that record or anything that your foot just so happened to step on.

And this is why I wanted to stay with my older brother Axel in London, I bet he wouldn’t try and set me up with my ten year old neighbour. London, I would fit in there. Here in little old Doncaster though? I’m going to stick out like a sore thumb. This is going to suck.

How do I even sign off on something like this?

Until next time,  
Harry fucking Styles.

**Author's Note:**

> hello!  
> so this is my first fanfic on this site, yay!
> 
> anyways, this is just the beginning - ya know, giving you guys a little preview of what to expect. But I promise this will be the only short chapter, every other one after will be longer!
> 
> I would love to hear your feedback, I mean I'm not going to continue writing if no one likes it. So yeah, let me know if you liked it! <3
> 
> p.s i'm aware that harry doesn't have a brother, however for the sake of this fanfic he does. (;


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